I hate being poor.
Yes, I know, everybody dislikes, despises and downright detests any lower-than-acceptable living conditions... but being below the poverty-line radar is an all-together different experience.
I hate it, too, when people patronize, when they themselves haven't had half, nay, a tenth of what you go through each day.
It's not simply a state of living, it's a state of mind as well as being. No one wants to be poor... but you simply can't wish it away... nor simply turn your back on it. You can't simply say, "F@#k this! I'm going to stop being broke and move up my standard of living". And the sad, inescapable truth is even if you work hard, stick to a budget, and save as much as you can, you'll still be piss-poor.
I mean sure, you have control of your life and how you want to go through it... but if it were that simple, who the f@#k would be poor today?? Certainly not me. I've been working most of my life and I'm still stuck in the rut. Fact is, things are worse now than they were 3 years ago... funny considering I was promoted and make more than I did 2 YEARS AGO! Of course, that's not much of a stretch... P184.20 per day is below minimum wage in the Metro... but out here, that's the norm.
And here, I work for the GOVERNMENT... I mean you'd think working for the "good of the people" would get you big bucks. I had to learn the hard way, after 5 years of toiling, that you have to be CORRUPT to make the dough.
Well, I'm not going to be that... SHOVE THAT MONEY UP YOUR ASS, YOU CORRUPT BASTARDS (Yes, that means you, too PGMA, you b!*#h!).
That's why I'm trying to get out ASAP... because each day I stay, is a day doing something "bad" becomes acceptable to my mind. It's hard to stick to your ideals when your stomach is growling while your peers are sipping Chocolate lates' and texting on their 6810's.
What makes it harder for me is I've got a family to support. No, I haven't married (who's stupid enough to get hitched with an idealistic buffoon like me these days?) and I haven't fathered any litter (haven't even used the tool in the shed, heh.) though I may as well be. My parents are unemployed, unproductive and swamped with debt. I have a younger sister who's in high school. I have a dear aunt who needs better medical treatment. AND I MAKE P184.20 A DAY!!
I don't even know how I cope each passing day. But I must be doing something right.
Just not right enough.
Not enough to rise from this state... because it's not just me. It's the environment... it's the society... it's the world.
The availability of better jobs, the rising and falling of prices, all the problems stemming from the lowest recesses of the slums to the higest echelons of the 'alta sociedad'. Those are beyond my hands.
"Look on the bright side..."
"It could be worse..."
"Have faith..."
Those words, I hear time and again. And they don't help one bit. All it does is make people like me resent those better off... because they're the only ones who can actually say such things. Those who've seen and been in the trenches know better. It's hell and anyone who's gone through it or living it deserves more respect than condescending words from people thankful they're not in the same pit.
I particularly distaste the last statement: "Have Faith".
Eff that! If it was up to God, who gets billions of prayers, text and e-mail every friggin second, He'd change things in a heartbeat. I would, and certainly God's a LOT more understanding and merciful than me. But why are the manipulative-diabolic-masterminds counting tons of moolah and living like kings?
Sure, there's hope... a number of us actually make it out the other end and are living life to the fullest... they're the lucky ones. Yes, lady luck has a lot to do with it... with recognition to the hardwork and perseverance those blessed few put in. If it happened to everybody who "works hard" then nobody'd be poor.
This is not to say, I and my ilk should give up and just lie down and die. Heavens no. The things we go through, the hardships and sacrifices, that's what makes us 10 times better men/women than the next guy/gal will ever be. But that doesn't mean we have to like it either.
As for you, be thankful you've got a better deal in life. There's a whole bunch of people who will never know the joys you take for granted...
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